Thursday, July 05, 2007

Economic models explained by cows

One of my colleagues, who will remain nameless, sent me this today. I've read many of the definitions, with some slight variations, but this is the most complete list I've seen. Not very PC, but funny, none-the-less....

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AMERICAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to our listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL
You have two cows. You shred them.

FRENCH CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

JAPANESE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

GERMAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

ITALIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

RUSSIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

SWISS CAPITALISM
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

CHINESE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

INDIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You worship them.

BRITISH CAPITALISM
You have two cows. Both are mad.

IRAQI CAPITALISM
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your
country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy....

NEW ZEALAND CAPITALISM
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

AUSTRALIAN CAPITALISM
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate

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